


I'm Only Gay For Captain America

by kinky_kneazle



Category: Hawkeye (Comics)
Genre: 5+1 Things, F/M, Yuletide 2012
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-18
Updated: 2012-12-18
Packaged: 2017-11-21 11:10:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/597057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinky_kneazle/pseuds/kinky_kneazle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five reasons that Clint Barton can't date Kate Bishop that are completely and utterly false and one reason that's sorta true but that maybe doesn't matter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Only Gay For Captain America

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zarabithia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zarabithia/gifts).



> All my love to C for the beta and advice. Zarabithia, your hatred for the 'only gay for you' trope inspired both the title, and in the end, this fic. Rest assured, the fic really has nothing to do with the trope. I kind of fell in love with this pairing while writing this, so thank _you_ for loving them so much. I do hope you enjoy it. Happy Yuletide!

**5\. Too Old**

"Okay," Clint said. "This looks bad." He watched as Iron Man slowly sank to the ground next to the spot where he had Kate pressed up against the wall, his knee pressed between her thighs, her foot hooked around his hip. 

"No," Tony said. "Not bad at all. You're only old enough to be her father." 

"Hey now, wait a minute!" He pushed against the rough bricks to lever himself away from her; kept a hand on her hip to make sure she had her balance. It had been a very sudden stop and kiss when the man they had under surveillance had looked back. When he was sure she was okay he turned back to Tony to defend his honor. Or his youth. Whatever. "Maybe her young and cool uncle, but not her father." 

"Actually, Hawkeye, I think you were legally an adult when I was born." 

"See?" Tony raised an eyebrow. Clint couldn't see past the helmet, but he was sure Tony raised an eyebrow. 

"Whatever. Aren't you pushing sixty now and still dating twenty-year-olds?" 

Tony made some flabbergasted sound and Clint grinned. A quiet Iron Man. Success! 

"I'm just saying you shouldn't lead young girls on like that." 

"She's not _that_ much younger than me." 

"It's okay, Iron Man," Kate interrupted. "He told me straight out that he doesn't want to sleep with me." 

"You said that? You're worse with women than Captain America." 

"Hey!" Steve's voice came through the comm and Clint wondered if it was physically possible to feel more mortified. Eh, he was an Avenger; since when had physical possibility come into it? Sure enough, Steve kept talking. "Wait a minute, why are we talking about Clint and Katie? Clint, are you taking advantage of Kate Bishop? They're called Young Avengers for a reason!" 

"Need I remind you that you're ninety and dating a thirty-year-old? Even if I was dating Kate, our fifteen -" 

"Nineteen," Kate muttered. 

" _Fifteen_ year age difference is nothing to the sixty years you and Carter have going on." 

"A – the Captain and I aren't dating and B - I'm _not_ thirty yet," Agent Carter muttered, a bite of venom in her voice. Clint was about to comment on that when Kate got involved in the conversation again. 

"There's no need to worry, Captain, it was an operational necessity." And how did she look so calm and composed when Clint was feeling completely flustered by his idiot teammates? "Hawkeye was a perfect gentleman." 

"Also, I'm not that old." 

"Clint's young at heart," Kate said. Clint was sure he was being humored. 

"If that's your way of calling him immature, then I completely agree. Can I offer you a ride back to base with a real man?" 

Clint watched Kate climb daintily into Tony's arms and fly off, resisting to urge to say, 'I'm not old,' one more time.

 

**4\. Too Terrible at Relationships**

"I worry about you."

Clint looked across at Kate. She was settled on one seat of his three-seater sofa. Lucky was stretched across the other two seats, his head on her thigh as he waited for her to either drop a piece of chicken, or give in to the pleading puppy eyes (eye) and feed him a bit. Clint knew that as soon as he sat down Lucky would be on him, hoping for the steak once Clint was finished holding it to his eye.

"It's just a black eye. I've had far worse."

Lucky looked up at his voice, eyeing the steak hungrily, so Clint decided to stay sitting on one of the stools.

"That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about -" Kate motioned with her fork, distracting Lucky with the chicken waving around as if to encompass injury, apartment and one-eyed dog. "I'm talking about your life. Your love life."

"I don't have a love life, so there's nothing to worry about."

"You mean you don't have a love life that doesn't involve picking up red-haired randoms while popping out to buy tape."

"Hawkeye," he drawled, letting the lasciviousness seep into his voice, "that ain't got nuthin' to do with love." It didn't impress her at all.

"You're a pig. I'm finally understanding why you're so bad at relationships."

He took the steak off his face so he could glare with both eyes, trying not to imagine how ridiculous he looked with a deepening bruise and meat juice beading on his cheek. "How do you know it was me that was bad at relationships?"

"You're the constant in the pattern."

"You know, at least one of these relationships you're judging me for ended when I _died_." Clint felt a little guilty when Kate paled and stopped eating, slipping the piece of chicken from the plate to Lucky's waiting mouth. "I'm just saying, it's not all my fault."

"Why didn't they work then?" she asked, pulling one foot up so she could hug her knee, leaving the other as a pillow for Lucky. 

"Maybe I'm still waiting for the right person," he replied and tried not to think about how right Kate felt in his space.

 

**3\. Too Gay**

"I've been married. To a woman. Clearly your logic is not sound."

"Well, you were raised in a different time." Clint slid her a dirty look and Kate quickly held up her fruit salad to share. "Not that you're old or anything, just that things have changed very quickly. And maybe, all these women in your past, well..." She looked towards the sparring where the Avengers were working out. 

"Well, what?" Clint finally demanded.

"Maybe you're overcompensating."

"To prove to everyone around me that I'm straight?"

She nodded happily as she sucked the juice from a piece of melon and Clint thought that if he were gay that sight wouldn't be so distracting. He looked back towards the sparring mat. "Kate, I'm not in the closet. I'm only gay for Captain America."

"Um, thanks?" 

Clint closed his eyes. Of course Steve would walk up behind them right at that moment.

"Sorry, Cap. It's just... you're the guy everyone wants to sleep with. Gay, straight or bi."

Steve's mouth was twisted as if he were trying not to laugh.

"S'true," Kate said, popping another strawberry into her mouth. "Agent Romanoff is the same in women. I mean, I'd turn for her."

"Yeah," Steve said, looking towards the ring where Nat was flinging Tony around with her thighs. "Me too."

Kate's eyes went wide as Steve walked past them. 'Did he just...?' she mouthed.

Clint shook his head. "He's trolling you." They watched Steve rest his hand on Bucky's lower back and look down with a smile. "Probably," he added.

 

**2\. Not Attracted To Her**

"Do you really have to be my sassy gay friend about this?"

"You almost practically got Captain America out of the closet. I owe you."

From Clint's position in the rafters he could only see the back of Kate's head, but from the way it was turned towards her shoulder and tilted down he could tell she was giving that Billy kid the _look_.

"Fine. I'm just saying that you shouldn't be _pining_. You're better than that. You just need to man - er, woman - up and tell him how you feel.”

"Well, that's not going to happen." The open fridge door would be hiding her from Billy, but Clint could see the tense line of her shoulders, like she was seconds away from ducking her head to hide. Whoever this jerk was that she was pining for had done a real number on her. "He's not interested in me. Not attracted to me. He was kind enough to tell me that, so I'm not going to push it."

"That was _kind_?" Billy asked, and Clint was glad to see her team was willing to get angry on her behalf.

The fridge door slammed and the sound was quickly followed by plates of leftovers clanking loudly onto the counter. "Yes. It's kinder than letting me make a fool of myself. At least this way I'm the only one who realizes I'm hurt."

"Well, you and the rest of the team."

This time the tension in Kate's shoulders was the wish to be holding bow and arrow. Clint was very familiar with that sort of tension; if he knew who the jerk was he'd probably be experiencing a similar itch. 

"I'll, uh, leave you to your lunch," Billy said, beating a hasty retreat. As soon as he was through the doorway Kate's shoulders dropped in defeat. Honestly, this ass was going to find himself with an arrow in the back; no one was allowed to make Kate look like that.

Clint dropped to the ground with a quiet thud and ducked the knife he knew would be coming. "Clint? Where did you come from?"

"The ceiling has ears in Avengers Mansion. You should remember that if you're going to be hanging around."

"And what did you hear?" she asked, attacking the ham with a little more force than necessary.

"Any guy who doesn't think you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen is an idiot and you deserve someone who isn't an idiot. So you should forget about him."

She'd stopped chopping but was still staring down at her hands, so he reached a hand forward to tip her chin up. "Okay?"

"Sure." Some of that regular glint came into her eyes, and Clint was glad to see it. "So why don't you want to sleep with me?"

"Girly girl, I am too old, too shitty at relationships and I am slowly falling apart from this horribly risky job I do. This is pure self-preservation. I mean, what could you possibly want with a guy like me?" He grinned as he walked out of the room, even though saying all of that didn't much leave him feeling like smiling. "Enjoy your lunch, beautiful."

"Thanks, Hawkeye," she said, and Clint beat a hasty retreat before he said something he'd regret.

 

**1\. Job's Too Risky**

Clint really wished the chairs in hospitals were comfortable. The people who designed hospitals - who bought the furniture - knew where the chairs were going. They knew people would be sitting for a long time worrying about their loved ones and willing them to wake up, yet the chairs still gave everyone who sat in them a numb bum. He shifted for what felt like the millionth time. He was a grown man, how was it he couldn't manage to sit still? Finally he stood and began pacing the room, feeling like the tigers in the circus - desperate for more room to roam.

"Stop pacing." The small voice came from the bed sounding hoarse and weak.

"Kate," he said softly, walking back over to her. 

"Stop pacing. You're making me tired."

"You shouldn't be talking." He picked up the water and held the straw to her lips. Her injuries were nowhere near as bad as his last visit to this particular hospital, or even Lucky's after the car hit him, but it didn't stop his worry. She was pale and covered in bandages and had been unconscious when they brought her in. He had no idea what her idiotic team had been doing, but they'd let her get injured and he wasn't happy about it. He'd already kicked them out of her room where they'd been hovering looking healthy and untouched; he'd always hated it when the meta-humans on his team had hovered over his only-too-human battered body. He didn't say any of this to her, though, just pushed her back on the bed and said, "Don't sit up."

"What happened?"

"You fell off a building."

She rolled her eyes then winced, closing her eyes. "I remember that much," she said after a moment as her eyes fluttered open again. "I meant what's wrong with me."

"Cuts and bruises, mainly. You have stitches above your eyebrow and a concussion."

She lifted her hand and made to touch the bandage over the stitches, but Clint grabbed her hand and brought it back to the bed, keeping it clasped in his own.

"And you thought your job was risky, hey?" she said with a weak grin. 

"You don't have to do this, Katie," Clint said seriously, and he couldn't believe how much like Captain America he sounded. Still, he didn't like seeing her flat on a hospital bed, so he soldiered on. "There are plenty of people to protect the planet. You could be anything. This -" He let his eyes sweep down her body and back up to her face. "This is too much. It's too risky."

"It's no more risky than your job, Clint. Would you give up being Hawkeye?"

"No, but... There's nothing else I could do. This is who I am."

"Exactly. This is who we are. This is what we do."

She closed her eyes then and drifted off to sleep leaving Clint wishing there was some way to keep her safe without turning her into someone new and wondering why it mattered to him so much.

 

**+1. Too Scared**

"Who'd've thunk it, eh? Hawkeye - Avenger, archer, Greatest Marksman in the World - and I'm scared of a girl."

Lucky looked at Clint as if he didn't believe a word Clint was saying.

"You're right." Clint sighed and nudged the dog with his toes. "I'm not scared of _Kate Bishop_. I'm more scared of the way she'd laugh in my face if I told her I was interested. I mean, I'm too old for her, and terrible at relationships, and I don't know the difference between a cumberbatch and a cummerbund."

Lucky let out a huff of air and Clint wondered how he'd managed to come by such a judgmental dog. Used to be he could give Lucky a slice of cold pizza and be smothered with love and affection for months; now Lucky just looked at Clint as if he was a disappointment.

"I don't want to ruin everything. You _know_ I always screw it up and you'd hate it if she stopped coming around. You know you would, so stop judging me and let me handle this my way." Clint held up his hands in response to Lucky's low growl. "I know my way is staying friends, but it's still _my_ way. And you're right, I shouldn't be such a coward about it, but there you have it."

"I didn't think the great Hawkeye was afraid of anything," a soft voice said from behind him.

Clint's head turned so fast he got a crick in his neck. But it wasn't an illusion; there was Katie sitting on the windowsill. 

"You shouldn't be out of bed yet, girly girl, let alone climbing up fire escapes to eavesdrop on private conversations between a man and his dog."

Kate stepped into the room and Clint wondered again how it had taken him so long to realize he was absolutely mad about her. She shoved Lucky off the couch and sat in the space he vacated, which happened to be between Clint's legs. She started with her knees up to her chest but quickly tucked her feet under her. He wondered if she was trying to look more open. "You're not too old and you're not terrible at relationships." He opened his mouth to interrupt but she put one callused finger on his lips to quiet him. "Whether we're kissing or not, this is still a relationship. A friendship, but still social interaction, and you don't suck at it. And I don't care if you know about cummerbunds or not; knowing about them didn't make any of the boys my dad pointed me towards any more interesting."

"What are you saying?"

"That you should tell me you're interested. And I'm promising not to laugh in your face."

"I'm interested."

"Say it properly."

"Kate Bishop, Hawkeye, I'm interested in you. You know. Romantically. I want to touch you and kiss you and hug you and squeeze you." He started to grin as she giggled. "Hey! You said you wouldn't laugh in my face."

"I'm not. Now shut up and kiss me, Hawkeye."

"Roger that," he said. Then he leaned forward, running his thumb across her cheek before pressing his lips to hers. It was terrifying and exhilarating and it was worth it. For her.


End file.
